shifting

Sometimes the miracle is being able to trust God when His will is different than what you wanted! -author unknown

My life has shifted.

I did not choose this turn nor do I welcome it, but if this is God’s will for me, then He will equip me for the journey ahead.

My husband has left our home permanently. The truth is, he has left home more times than I can count. Looking back on the years, he was always leaving me. From the time we married, just a few weeks into it, he would throw his wedding ring and declare divorce in his fits of rage. These events have gotten much worse through the years. You see, I am married to an angry man. A quick to anger man that loses control and later does not remember his cruel words or actions. In his mind because he doesn’t remember, I shouldn’t remember them either. I should not remember hiding in the laundry room while he stands over me, berating me with gritted teeth. I should not remember that my children have heard it, and seen him verbally and emotionally abuse their mother for years. I shouldn’t remember…

I write these words as I come to terms with the abuse I have lived under for all these years. I did not always see abuse for what it was! I would make excuses for him in my mind. Beg forgiveness that I must of done something to trigger him. My eyes have been opened. God is healing the wounds inside me. I am forgiving him and moving forward. Unforgiveness is a poison to the soul. I refuse to be bitter. I refuse to allow satan to take my joy for life.

Too much of our real life is filtered these day. Hidden and masked with happy pictures that don’t speak truth. Well, this is my truth.

The evil has left my home now. No more walking on egg shells, afraid to speak for fear of his reaction. Daily hoping he has had a good day and will come home peaceful. I’m not afraid to breath anymore.

With God’s grace, my life is shifting and I shift with it.